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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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So, I’m still holding this massive tomato, and I decide to grab a bite at my fave spot, the little café on Taras Shevchenko Street. I order their famous borscht. It’s like a hug in a bowl, you know? But while I’m waiting, I overhear this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I’m trying to enjoy my borscht, and they’re just ruining the vibe. I mean, come on, guys! Take it somewhere else!

Another Roma camp attacked and burned down in Ukraine, with police seeing only ‘hooliganism’